Saturday, June 11, 2011

Googlenopenolifeatall.

Google is reportedly working on a solution to the problem, created by Google, and first recognized by Gene Weingarten, "humor" columnist of The Washington Post, of the evanescence of original phrasing in the English language.

In the past, a writer could invent a neophrase, a new sequence of words, and it would linger in the literary atmosphere, perhaps for years, as something unique. Then along came the Google spider and soon phrases were being sucked up into the interwebs at the speed of cyberthought, their lifeless carcases cataloged almost the instant that they hit the electronic fly-paper in the personal computer. Phrases that were not caught in Google's virtually infinitely-fine silk sieve became more and more rare and more and more short-lived (not to mention, more and more strained). Gene Weingarten recognized this fact, and coined the word googlenope for the phrase, enclosed by quotations, that returned no hits in a Google search. The word "googlenope" was itself a googlenope only briefly.

Now Google has attacked the problem with its trademark™ brutal force, and come up with the WhatNow® (Weingarten heuristic automatic thesaurus-like natural omni-phrasing wanker), a computer program that does nothing all day but create new English language phrases that can be stored in Google's computer banks, thereby rendering the googlenope extinct. "This is not a swipe at Mr. Weingarten. We are merely protecting our intellectual property," said Google's Sergey Bryn. The googlenope is predicted to have a googlenopenolife at all in the future.